nightly thoughts

[Fliptastic29]

Sitting alone by a lonely campfire,
Stars come into my open eyes,
visions of indians and desert sky's,
feeling a feeling never felt,
finding a path never found,
sleeping in infinity;
awakeing in desolation.
Little life, little night, litte me,
little light.
Desert sky,
cactus green,
Tequila fright,
why do i write so late at night???

[Hannibal]

Nice work.
Welcome to the board Flippity.
I didn't care for some of the redundancy of the words...
in a few spots..

Sitting alone by a lonely campfire,

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">

feeling a feeling never felt,

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Those two parts just... i dunno
alone and lonely are almost on top of each other... they just dont' mesh well for my taste.
and feeling and feeling again, are almost right on top of each other.
Those things just kinda didn't sit well.
Overall I liked it..
the end was nice to, kind of a "woa, look, it's late, i'm feeling crazy"
haha, kind of a good laugh.
Nice work, and again, welcome!
Post more [img]cool.gif[/img]

[sarafina mable]

i agree that the repetition of alone and lonely, and feeling and feeling is a little over the top. especially for the beginning of the piece.
but i do really like this imagery:
"Desert sky,
cactus green,
Tequila fright,"
seems like those six words fit perfectly together in my mind once read.
i'm not too crazy about the final line, it takes away some of the emotion that is being portrayed. (at least for me).
overall good job though, and welcome!

[Fliptastic29]

yea sorry about that one i was kind of intoxicated when i wrote that. So some of it might not have come out the way i wanted it. I was basically trying to imagine a night out on the frontier but don't think i mastered it that well. WEll what can you do. Anyways thanks again for the replies I promise to post some more interesting ones in the future.